Pain is Fuel with Amberly Lago | Ep 19

Amberly: 00:00:00

ok at my life. I got sober in: 2016

Arjun: 00:00:27

One of the greatest privileges and guest encounters that I've had since doing this show has been sitting down with Amber Lee Lago. There are few people that I've met with the level of resilience, indomitable spirit, and just beauty that Amber Lee has.

She and I sat down to have a very emotional and candid conversation about a lot of aspects that she shared in her bestselling book, Joy through the Journey.

This interview left me incredibly emotional, and I know it's going to do the same for you as well as inspire you into beating any odds, because that is exactly what Amber Lee has done her entire life and continues to do from the stage, wherever she speaks and all the people that she impacts. Enjoy this episode, guys. Amberlee, my dear friend, and I feel, I could say that even though we've just met, I know.

Amberly: 00:01:20

I felt that. I feel it. I feel it. From the first time we met, I was like, oh, my gosh, I love you.

Arjun: 00:01:26

I love you, too. And thank you for sitting down with us.

Amberly: 00:01:28

Yeah.

Arjun: 00:01:29

To share a bit of your story, I want to start on the topic or the place of pain and how it is used as fuel. Because pain is so crippling.

Amberly: 00:01:41

Yeah.

Arjun: 00:01:42

It crushes. It leaves people in dark places. You managed to turn it into actual fuel at some point. Not without struggle. Talk to me about that and that journey.

Amberly: 00:01:53

Well, I think the first time I really experienced pain wasn't. And I deal with physical pain on a daily basis. But When I was 8 years old, my stepfather sexually abused me.

And it was at that moment when I thought, I need to do what makes me happy. And I used that pain. That pain really fueled me. And I got into dance and I became part of the dance company, the youngest one in the company.

I ran track, and I'm telling you, running track, you know, we went to church growing up, but I felt closest to God when I was on the track. And I would just talk to God running around the track, and I feel like the pain I ran from that pain and it fueled me.

And I set a record in Texas for running the fastest mile. I won. My coach would have me sit in the front seat on the bus and say, we're counting on you to get us to district.

And so I used that pain in a way to Where I became an overachiever. I was like, had to be in all honors classes in schools. I had to win track.

I put a lot of pressure on me, but it allowed me to find some joy, some pleasure. And I feel like I kind of ran from that pain as much as it fueled me. And I really feel like pain pushes you until your purpose pulls you.

And so later on in life, when I was stuck in a hospital bed and I couldn't run anymore, I couldn't use that as fuel to run away from the pain. I had to really sit in my feelings. And dealing with that pain did become crippling. It wasn't just the physical pain. It was the emotional pain.

It was stuff that I had thought that I had dealt with and gone to therapy and read the books about the sexual abuse. I hadn't really dealt with it. I was running from it.

And I was sitting with all those emotions, and I realized the only tool I had was I had used that pain as fuel to run. And, I mean, I ran all over town when I got older. Her people go, oh, she's the girl that runs. We see her running everywhere.

If I had a lunch break, I would run to a restaurant. I would just run.

And I realized sitting in that hospital bed and having to feel all those feelings and all the pain from the past and now from the present, staring down, looking at my mangled legacy, I didn't really have tools, and I had to come up with some tools pretty quick because I was spiraling down into a depression fast. And it was a moment where I was in the hospital bed and I was in between, I don't know, surgery number 19 or 24, I don't remember.

Arjun: 00:05:03

And it was 30 plus in total.

Amberly: 00:05:06

34 surgeries in total. And I wouldn't sleep at night because I would lay there in pain because my leg was completely held together by these metal rods. It's called a halo.

And I can literally see the inside of my leg. They would pull these bandages off, and they would have to pull them off every three hours.

So I would sit and look at the clock, and I knew that they were going to come in and lift my leg.

And every time they would lift my leg, it was like, literally, like, literally, like re breaking my leg because my leg was completely shattered and pulling those bandages off, the pain from that was so bad that I would hang onto the railing of the bed and my husband couldn't even be in the room. I couldn't control the screams that would come out. I couldn't. I Tried. I could not control the screams. It was the worst pain that I had ever felt.

And I was going into a really dark place thinking, when is this pain going to get better? How is my life going to get better?

Am I going to get back to being able to go to my fitness career and am I ever going to be able to run with my daughter on the beach? Is my husband going to love me? Is he going to leave me? Are they going to amputate my leg tomorrow?

All these thoughts were going through my head and I started just spiraling down and down and down into a dark place. And I was like, stop. I got a choice here. I can either go down that route or I can focus on what I can control and what I can do.

And something that really helped me with that was the gratitude. And I noticed, you know, growing up, my mom growing up in Texas, it was like, you have manners.

You write a thank you note for every gift you get or, you know, anything, you write a thank you note. So it was really like people were coming to the hospital and giving me flowers and food, and I was writing down in a journal.

I was very drugged up and I didn't want to forget to write a thank you note to anybody. And I also wrote down every nurse, every doctor that came in. I had a team.

It was like they would huddle like football players before a football game to decide what they were going to do next to try to save my leg.

And as I was writing thank you notes and writing in my journal, like, how grateful I was that, well, I can breathe well, I'm still alive, I still have my legs day. I've got my family, I've got all these friends that are supporting me. I noticed how I didn't focus on the pain. I focused on.

There was still joy inside of me. And I noticed how it just shifted me and it just makes me emotional because I know there's a lot of people that struggle.

I know it's hard, but I also know there's a way to get through it. And I'm telling you, people think, oh, gratitude. Everybody talks about gratitude, but it really works.

I say it's my medicine because I use it every day. It's alchemy. It. It really is alchemy. And it changed for me.

Focusing on all the things I can't do or all the things that I don't have, it allows me to focus on everything that I do have.

And that's why still to this day, when I wake up in the morning, this morning, I Just I roll out of bed and plop down on my knees and I say, thank you, God. I say, thank you, God, for another day of sobriety, because I started drinking from the pain. That's a whole other story.

Thank you, God, for letting me be able to walk today. Even if I don't walk pretty right now, I'm going to warm my body up. And, yeah, I'm walking. I get, like, today, I get to be with you.

I get to be with you and connect with you. I get to, you know, be on your amazing show. And so when I'm having a bad day, which, you know, I can easily slip into those moments.

Arjun: 00:09:30

Human, right?

Amberly: 00:09:31

Oh, it's like, that's why I say it's a practice I have to practice, but I also have accountability for it.

So I also, you know, have a group of ladies, we call ourselves the God Squad because we text each other every single day 10 things we're grateful for. And I know sometimes when you're going through hard stuff, it's. You're like, I don't have time to be grateful.

And it's like, you make time to be grateful if you want to feel better.

Arjun: 00:10:00

That's right when you were in that dark place. And there's so many of them.

And I want to first honor and thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing about the abuse when you were eight. And there are a lot of people that go silent in this life when it comes to abuse. They've only dealt with it.

They surely don't speak of it, and they suppress and run from it. For anyone that's listening that was subjected to anything close to that type of horrific action in their life, something they didn't ask for.

Amberly: 00:10:39

Mm.

Arjun: 00:10:40

How do you speak to them? Or how would you tell somebody that may be listening or how they can. How they can deal with. How they can confront. Not to sit silent.

Amberly: 00:10:48

Yeah, well, and I understand that. Sitting silent for sure, because I did for. I did for a long time. And the only person I had told. I told my. Well, I told my dad.

And when I got, you know, to be. I think maybe. Maybe 13, 12 or 13, I told my dad what was happening. And that took a lot of courage.

And I said, dad, promise you won't say anything, but this is what's going on. And it was a cry for help, and my dad didn't do anything.

And at that moment, I thought, wow, I'm not worthy of being protected or even loved or he doesn't care about me. But I also, in that moment, Thought, well, I can take care of myself.

And all I have to do is get as strong as I can and do as much as I can and have a voice. And the next time my stepfather came in my bedroom, I kicked him and hit him and pulled his hair. I did.

And I was little, and I did everything I could. And you know what? He never touched me again.

The emotional stuff kept on, you know, the psychological stuff that he would say continued, but he never touched me again. And it took a long time for me to tell anyone else, and I told my ex husband, and my ex husband used it against me.

When we were going through a divorce, he called my mother. He had hurt me so much. There was. He beat me, he called me names, he cheated on me, all the things, like he couldn't hurt me any other way.

He'd already done everything. And he called my mother and he said, do you know what your husband did to my wife? And it was the first time she found out about it.

And I grabbed the phone and she said, amberly, is this true? I said, yeah, Mom. And she told me. She got off the phone, my stepdad was asleep on the couch.

And she went, my mom is like a southern belle and the sweetest lady you ever met. I've never seen her raise a hand or do anything. I mean. I mean, she punched him as hard as she could and said, well, is it true?

Did you do that to Amberly? And he didn't deny it. All these years I thought he would deny it, and he didn't. But I was hurt because of how my ex husband handled it.

He did it to hurt me through hurting my mom. But it really. That pain ended up really helping my mom and me.

Arjun: 00:13:51

It's fuel.

Amberly: 00:13:52

It was fuel.

Arjun: 00:13:52

It was fuel in the most unlikely of ways.

Amberly: 00:13:55

Exactly. I didn't know it at the time.

Arjun: 00:13:58

No, of course not. How could you?

And through all this suffering and immense pain, from 8 years old to that incident, to the accident, to laying in the hospital, to getting into a dark place, to potentially even giving up. And you would only be human. There are people who have given up over far, far less.

I mean, I don't know if anyone could have blamed you for even wanting to potentially even throw on the towel. Not that anyone wants that friend.

Amberly: 00:14:27

Yeah. Yeah.

Arjun: 00:14:28

Again, somebody say, look, she's been through so much, everything up to that point. How did you arrive at a. That crossroads? And how did you choose gratitude?

It couldn't have just been, well, look at the sunny side because you're confronted with so much darkness. How did you actually choose this? Was there a moment? Was there a process? Was it easy?

Amberly: 00:14:52

It's. Oh, it's never easy. I mean, I think pain is pain, and pain demands to be heard, and. But I just know how much it helps me, and so I focus on that.

And I don't think I answered your question very well about somebody who's been abused. Reach out for help. It takes courage, but reach out. You're not alone. You don't have to walk in shame. You don't.

You can hold your head high and have dignity. And when I wrote my book, I write about sexual. The sexual abuse that happened in my book.

And I've had so many people, women and men, who have said, thank you. Now I feel like I can move on. Like, I'm not alone. And so.

Arjun: 00:16:03

Yeah. Giving them that release or that close permission.

Amberly: 00:16:06

Yeah.

Arjun: 00:16:06

To deal with this.

Amberly: 00:16:07

Yes.

Arjun: 00:16:08

I want to just tell you before we even go another word further, thank you for sharing that.

Thank you for being honest, and thank you for that guidance for someone who will listen to this, that has not heard it or not felt okay and safe to accept it. Thank you so much, Emily, for sharing.

Amberly: 00:16:25

Yeah. Well, thank you. And. And when we. When I talk about gratitude, it. It's because it really gets you to. You know, it was like, okay.

One day, I was driving my. I was going to my daughter's school, and I couldn't find a parking place. And I was getting so upset. I knew that I couldn't walk that far.

And I was going, gosh, I can't find a parking place. I mean, how many of us are driving and going, this traffic, there's no parking this, that. And I was just like, well, I can't walk that far.

What am I gonna do? This sucks. I can't. Like, it was just, like, going on and on and on. And I was like, you know what? Wait a minute. I have crutches in the back of my car.

I can use my crutches. Who cares who sees me using crutches? They allow me to be mobile. They allow me to get around. I am. I used to be embarrassed to use crutches.

I used to be embarrassed to be in a wheelchair. Nothing against wheelchairs. My brother has been in a wheelchair his entire life. I didn't want that for me.

And what I noticed in that moment is I thought, you know what? I am so grateful I'm out of the hospital and I can actually drive, even if it was driving with my left foot, by the way.

I had to learn to drive with my left foot and my right leg up on the dashboard, no joke. And I thought, I can just use my crutches. Oh, there's a solution. Gratitude allowed me to go, okay, well, what can I do?

It's so important to focus on what you can do and let go of what you can't and give yourself grace along the way.

Arjun: 00:18:19

And that's great advice for somebody that maybe feels when they hear gratitude, because it's talked about a lot. It's practiced by few in reality, but it's talked about a lot. And people are like, that's great for you. That might work for you.

But I got real problems. Whatever their definition of reality, challenges is all relative. I got real issues over here. I got real challenges. I got bills to pay.

I'm going to divorce, whatever to that. What do you say when somebody says, well, easy for you to say gratitude or whatever?

Amberly: 00:18:49

Oh, I get that. I mean, we had $2.9 million worth of medical expenses.

I say we because my husband was the one dealing with the bills when I was going through surgery after surgery. I learned a lot about that, by the way. And we had a lien on our house. I mean, there was some major problems.

And I'll never forget, my husband was at the store, and he calls me and he goes, well, I just came out of the store. I had just lost my rental house because we lost our tenants, and because I was out of work, I couldn't pay the mortgage, so we had to sell that.

We had a lien on our house. We had all these medical bills. He calls me and says, well, your car just got stolen. I'm like, I lost my motorcycle. Now I've lost my car, too.

I just, like, plopped down and cried. And he goes, oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. It was parked behind a truck, and I didn't see it. And I'm like, thanks a lot, honey. You freaked me out.

But I understand big problems. Whether it's money problems or it's going through a divorce or it's medical or. Or you're just having a bad day.

Like, I get it because I've been there. I could not figure out anything for my pain. I mean, I did every kind of medical procedure you can think of.

Ketamine infusions, Eastern Western medicine, 73 homeopathic pills, and 11 different prescription medications every day, trying to figure out how to alleviate pain. Spinal stimulator, spinal blocks, stem cell. Like, been in a tp, had somebody drip oil over my head and chant over me.

You name it, I Was like, whatever, yeah, I will try it. And nothing was working for the pain. And I was so focused on pain, pain, pain. Now I don't claim it. I don't say I'm in pain.

I don't say I have a nerve disease called, you know, this is my disease, it's not mine. I don't want to claim it. I don't want to own it. I don't call myself a CRPS warrior or a pain warrior.

I just say I was diagnosed with this disease and they say it's incurable. But I'm not giving up hope that maybe there is a cure. And no medication, no treatments were really curing my pain. And I mean, I tried opioids too.

Nothing was working. And I got a lot of trouble for saying this, by the way, on the Doctors.

So I was on the Doctors tv, they had this longer episode and they cut out the portion where it says, I've tried all these things. I've done Eastern, Western medicine, ketamine, spinal blood. They cut it all out and they said, lady cures her pain with her mindset.

And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. It's not just that. Mindset is a lot there' I had to change the way. The way that I eat, the way that I rest and recover. Mindset, for sure.

My spirituality, like, it's everything. It's emotional, it's mental, it's spiritual, physical. It's all of it. And you have to. And I have to work on all of that on a daily basis.

And you know what?

It might seem like a lot to have a gratitude practice or to wear a watch that reminds you to go to sleep or to eat healthy or to, you know, while your friends are staying out of the party and you go back to recover. It might seem like a lot to meditate. You know, I was meditating last night before I went to bed just to help me sleep.

Might seem like a lot to take gut health supplements and supplements that help me thrive, but it's a hell of a lot better than being having a life of misery and focusing on pain. And my mindset allows me to focus on the good in life and it allows me to find joy through the journey.

Arjun: 00:23:00

And I appreciate you saying this because I feel like victim mentality.

Amberly: 00:23:04

Oh, yeah.

Arjun: 00:23:05

Victim labeling is so prevalent right now in society. It's so easy to blame and shout at the rain, you know, constantly.

Amberly: 00:23:12

Yeah.

Arjun: 00:23:13

Sadly, I feel like it's almost like an epidemic on its own. We see it through social media. We see it amongst the Youth.

We see it even amongst adults that are seeking to blame everyone, blame the entire world for what's wrong. Woe is me. Throw in the towel, give up. And lots of reasons for that perhaps, but.

Amberly: 00:23:32

And also I think, like, try to compete with who has worst pain. It's like pain's pain. I don't care if you stubbed your toe or you had a surgery. Pain's pain. And, and it does demand to be heard.

If we keep stuffing it down or numbing it out through alcohol or food or porn or over shopping or speed dating or whatever it is to try to stuff it down, it eventually comes out in not so good of a way.

Arjun: 00:24:03

No, it does. It'll catch up with you. But for those that the quick reflex is to claim victims or play victim, how would you advise those to not take that path?

Because it feels like it's easier to do that. Right. It's harder to avoid that. It's easier to blame and deflect.

Amberly: 00:24:23

Well, you know, I think when you do the hard thing, then life gets easier. But if you keep doing the easy thing, then life continues to get harder, you know? And you can choose to be the victor of your life.

The choice is yours, but you have to make that choice. Look, I realized no one was going to walk for me again. I had to learn to walk again. And it was literally, I couldn't even lift my leg up off the bed.

And I thought I was paralyzed. And I was like, I am going to lift my leg up off this bed the next time the therapist comes in here. I am going to. Didn't happen that time.

I did it again. I finally was able to lift my leg up. I finally was able to stand up on one leg for a few seconds. But I was not going to be. You know what?

You can choose to be a victim of your circumstances or the victor of your life by choosing to be resilient.

Arjun: 00:25:28

Beautiful. That's beautiful.

In terms of a strategy for someone listening who is going through immense pain, whether it's emotional, situational, physical, whatever it might be, there's emotional and physical pain.

The strategy, if you were to break something down, to keep it really simple for someone, or at least where to start on how to now navigate this and to turn their pain into fuel. How to embrace suffering as a chapter in life, but not the end all, be all or state of finality, what would a blueprint look like?

Amberly: 00:26:00

Okay, I would love to share something that I use every day.

Arjun: 00:26:05

I would love that. Thank you.

Amberly: 00:26:06

I came up with something. It's called the PACER methodology.

And it's something that I use that helps me get through pain or anxiety or even when I'm sad or I'm super tired or whatever it may be. And it stands for perspective, acceptance, community, endurance, and rest.

And I go through a checklist of these things, and if something's left off, I'm like, oh, there it is. That's what I need to do. So perspective. If I. If I haven't shifted my perspective with gratitude, I will spiral down into negative thinking.

The inner bully will come out and tell me I'm not good enough, or, you better just get in bed or I'm worthless. I mean, I've got a mean inner critic. So by shifting your perspective, it's as easy as doing that. Gratitude.

Acceptance is you have to own where you are, who you are. And I talk a lot about this, about being radically honest with yourself, because I was in denial for a long time.

I did not want people to know I was in pain. I tried to. I was like a double life. I was trying to pretend like everything was okay on the outside, but on the inside, I was dying on the inside.

And I didn't want to accept my scars. I did not want to dare tell anybody that I had been diagnosed with a nerve disease. And that led me into a life of.

ok at my life. I got sober in: 2016

It's hard being in acceptance.

But whether that's in your health, your relationship, your business, whether it's you're drinking too much, whatever it may be, is it helping you or hurting you? Is it moving you closer to your goal? Because when you are in acceptance, you get to take action steps.

You get to connect with the community because you're authentic now. You're real, you're transparent. People can feel that. Don't you think people can feel that? And that's how you can connect with the right community.

And community is probably the most powerful part of pacer, because community is what allows me. Community and connection is what allows me to stay sober, what allows me to thrive in my business.

I have a, you know, a group of ladies, we meet once a week to check in with each other. I have a mastermind of women where we help each other build our businesses and thrive and make a bigger income and impact. And it's so important.

And, you know, I'm not upset. Some people if I say this. But, like, when I was on the Doctors and I. I upset a lot of people who had CRPs, because they cut that part out.

And I thought I was here trying to help people. And I was in a support group for crps, and I thought, well, these are my people. Like, they. Half the group was hating me. Like, hating.

Like, they didn't even know me. But they were like, she does. There's no way she has crps. How can she even wear those shoes if she has crps?

How could she even put makeup on with that pain and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I'm on Doctors TV looking at gorgeous doctors. Of course I'm good. I slipped on some cute shoes and I had my barn boots backstage.

They don't see any of that. And I realized at that moment when it was just like, it was. The phone was going off and off, and I was about to give a talk.

I was in Utah about to give a talk for a women's empowerment group. And I was starting to let this community make me feel completely disempowered because they were just who the haters were coming out of the woodwork.

So I learned in that moment, it's so important to find your right people with the right energy. Energy is everything, and everything is energy. And get rid. I got out of that group, I was like, bye, bye.

You're not my people, you know, so find your people. And when you're in acceptance and authentic, you will find the right people.

And it's important to be around those people who are positive with being a victor of their life. The ones that are, you know, when you're around them, you feel energized and you feel good. Like you. When I'm around you, I just feel good.

And I feel like I just want to hang out with you all the time. So you know what I mean? So find your right community. Connection is everything. And then endurance, it takes endurance. So where do you need endurance?

Are you forgetting why you started? How can you tap more into your passion? How can you tap into your grit, but grit with connection?

And so endurance is really, really powerful because we have. Especially being in pain every day. It takes a lot of endurance. And then the last part of PACER is rest. And that's one that's really hard for me.

I had to learn it the hard way, being in the hospital over and over and over again until I finally was like, okay, it's not the PACE methodology, it's the PACER methodology. And we have to be a PACER through Life and take it one stride at a time instead of just go, go, go.

But that methodology of, you know, and adding that rest and recovery and strategically planning times to rest throughout the day and taking a day off during the week, taking time off to spend with my family, making sure if I'm in an event, to go upstairs and lay down and kick my leg up for a little bit. You know what I mean? So that.

That really helps me, and I hope that it helps your amazing audience get through any challenges that they may be going through.

Arjun: 00:32:34

I still appreciate you sharing that because that's the blueprint. I couldn't have asked for a better explanation. And thank you for sharing that, because that's your secret sauce.

Although I know you share it with everybody.

But if it's worked for you and you have inspired so many millions of people, love you and follow you and know about your story and continue to learn about it, then it can work for them, too. So thank you for sharing it.

Is there something in your life or a challenge you faced either recently or you're confronting right now where you're applying this as well? I know you've already been through so much, and sometimes I should say, she's probably been through enough.

I think we move on to somebody else, right?

Amberly: 00:33:08

Yeah. Well, yeah.

Arjun: 00:33:10

But maybe. Is there something else that you.

Amberly: 00:33:12

Well, yeah. Lately, with my health, I mean, I just had a procedure done that did not work out very well, and I was back in a wheelchair then, able to walk.

But it's still. The pain has not. And notice how I say the pain, not my pain, not claiming it has not gotten back to a level.

So even today, I was sitting, we're at a nice event here, and we were sitting, and I had my shoe off, and I'd stand up and talk to people with my shoe off, and I'm like, I don't care. It helps with the pain. So that. And that on top of. I've got some exciting things coming up. I mean, I'm writing a new book and I. I'm.

It's my dream publisher and I've got. But that comes with deadlines.

I have my own event coming up, and I'm organizing the speakers and dealing with the AV and the hotel and the everything. And it's like, then the launching of it and the landing page.

Entrepreneurial stuff, you know, and then it's like my mastermind is my favorite thing that I do. And I'm like, coaching, coaching them and making sure I show up fully for them despite being in pain or not. Feeling great.

And then I travel and planning, travel to where I can rest a little bit before I'm right into it. And so I think that's the biggest challenge. And I think a lot of entrepreneurs struggle with doing, wearing so many hats. And I love it. I love it all.

But I've had to learn to delegate more and higher my weaknesses and work on my strengths.

Arjun: 00:35:01

Right? And that's. We're all a work in progress this way, right?

Amberly: 00:35:05

I'm a work in progress.

Arjun: 00:35:06

Work never ends. Work never ends. A big part of LFG energy is contribution and an impact that you want to leave, right? You've clearly fought through so much.

You embody it. I mean, your story from even at the age of eight all the way to now, as I look at you sitting in this chair, you're all about that resilience.

What is Amber Lee's mission now? What is the impact she wants to have on the world through this story, through her, through her history?

Amberly: 00:35:36

You know what I would say? I want to impact people in a way that they know that they're unstoppable, especially when we come together like that. You can be unstoppable.

It doesn't matter what life throws your way, you can still choose to be unstoppable.

And I want to really empower people that they know they can use their voice, that their story matters, that they are perfectly qualified to help somebody that has been through the same thing.

When they see that when somebody see somebody that's been through something challenging, they made it through the other side, that person is so qualified to help somebody else. And so I think my impact, I haven't thought about this in a while, but I really think that it would be.

I want to empower people to share their story, to come together, to help one another, and know that they can find joy through the journey, even through life's ups and downs.

Arjun: 00:36:42

Beautiful.

This is a little bit of a segue, and I don't ask this of every guy, but I feel because you are in a life that is just full now of contribution as a mission, as a purpose, right? You're looking to leave impact everywhere you go.

You did it on stage today beautifully, and you're doing it right now with our audience and me as I sit here.

When your time on this earth is done, whenever that may be, and Lord calls for you, if there's one word that your children, your grandchildren, your great grandchildren, everyone in your family and those that have been affected by you are going to remember you by, if there was one word that you would want it to be. Is there something that comes to mind?

Amberly: 00:37:22

I think joy. I think joy.

You know, a lot of people might say resilient or grit, but I think joy because I think throughout my whole life, even during hard times, I've always known that somewhere in there there's that little glimmer of light sometimes. And sometimes that little flicker of light that we just have to figure out how to keep it burning bright.

And it's the same for joy that it's there and it comes from within us, not from outside things, but from deep within us. And that, you know, I think the thing that I think of the most when I'm with my children is joy. My family is joy. When I dance, it's joy.

When I see you, it's joy.

Arjun: 00:38:17

I'll tell you what there is.

This just tells you in hearing Amber Lee's response there, your response, what kind of a human being you are, what kind of a beautiful person, soul, energy you are, this whole universe, because you have every right and would be entitled to want to be remembered by anything other than joy. Maybe in a way of to garner either either sympathy or you would be deserving of it if you would have said it.

But to choose joy over everything else, to choose light over darkness, even resilience, like you said and persistence and indomitable spirit and perseverance could choose any. But joy tells me everything that I need to know about you, even if we hadn't done this conversation today, is that you see light.

You always want to be that light. You're going to be that in spite of anything, right? And you have, you've embodied that.

I can tell you this as we close that as a son who looks up to and admires his parents, I'll try to say this without getting too emotional for all the sacrifices they've made, illnesses they've made, battle through. My father's a two time cancer survivor battling through a lot of stuff now, mental health issues as well as physical.

I will tell you the greatest gift you're leaving is it's two daughters. I have two daughters as well. It's two daughters that have watched their mom continually beat the upper continually.

And there's no greater lesson or anything. You don't have to do one other thing for them, Amberly, for the rest of their lives.

What you've given them in that is something that they'll carry on with them and pass on to their children and tell that story of your grandmother.

But then their children, your great grandmother was this warrior and this light and she embodied joy and I feel like a better human being as a result of this conversation and time we spent today. I can't thank you enough for what you put out in the world and I'm your new biggest fan. Oh, I'm behind you in anything.

Amberly: 00:40:19

Well, before we started I already told you that I was president of your, your, your show and your fan club.

Arjun: 00:40:26

I appreciate it.

Yeah, yeah, we'll roll out some paperwork on that, which I think you're very busy but I look forward to sitting down and doing this again and just continuing to watch and support the impact you have on the whole world because your story continues to outlive anything else that comes in the way of it but it's just outrunning everything because it is a beautiful story that has so much impact and it needs to be heard. So, Emily, thank you so much.

Amberly: 00:40:52

Thank you, thank you, thank you.