Why Do People Choke? | Ep 2

Arjun: 00:00:06

Now, you've all watched enough sports to see when someone who was supposed to do something or that you thought was money in the bank and it didn't quite happen. So how did that actually work? Or better yet, maybe it's not an athlete.

Maybe it's somebody you know, your roommate, a relative, someone that you're really close to, had something big they were supposed to do and they fell short, came back and told you about it. Or how about you yourself? Maybe it was the person you were going to ask out.

Maybe it was a presentation you had to give at work, a speech that you had to give, a talk that you needed to give, something for school that you needed to present on, whatever it might have been, and you felt you were prepared. You've done it a million times, even mastered it in your brain, but it didn't quite happen.

You either fumbled over it or you choked, which is what this episode is about. Now, what I want to get into today is actually what causes people to choke. Because that doesn't get talked about enough.

We focus on what actually happened and the drama of it, and maybe later get into what could have actually caused it. But let's get right into the psychology because there is something deep that's going on there when people fall short.

Now, the first thing to pay attention to with this is that it doesn't make any sense.

That guy who has made a million free throws in practice or has stood on some of the biggest stages and been able to knock down shots, or the golfer who's made the putt over and over again.

But yet, in the final round of the masters on the 18th hole, when all the world is watching and millions of eyeballs are on him, he completely misses the putt and you're scratching your head wondering how could that be? Because this was supposed to be money in the bank. He's done it so many times. So you first scratch your head and wonder why.

But when we start to get into actually the psychology behind it, it makes a lot more sense. Because choking is an actual pattern.

Falling short is a pattern that you almost pre wire yourself to because you weren't paying attention or focused on what you needed to be in that moment. You didn't choke because you were having a bad day.

You didn't fall short or mess up that presentation or speech because the gods weren't on your side or something else external wasn't actually working in your favor. There was more to it. So what this has to do with is being very present. Now, it sounds cheesy, but Just stay with me here.

Because when somebody chokes, it's because they were focused on the end, what was going to happen. Let's take a basketball player, for example. Someone that's about to shoot a free throw to win the national title.

Now, they probably made countless free throws as a child, as a high school athlete and in college to get them to this point. Otherwise they wouldn't be on this stage. So why is it that they're falling short?

Well, this person is probably thinking about all the glory that's going to come when that ball goes through the net. Everything that's going to happen.

The new girlfriend or boyfriend that he or she is probably going to land from all of this new notoriety that comes with being a national champion or all the money in endorsements or potentially being able to go pro. The party that's going to happen, the nightclub. You guys get where I'm going with this.

The other side of focusing on the end, with the notoriety and all the bells and whistles and the confetti parade that's awaiting you, is potentially the negative of that. What if I fail? You start doubting yourself in that moment.

And rather than focusing on what got you to this point or what you need to do and what you've done so many times in terms of a process, you're thinking about what's actually going to happen negatively. If I don't make this, we lose. If I don't close this deal, I can't make that paycheck.

If I don't nail this presentation, I'm not going to get the promotion.

If I don't absolutely clinch this talk that I'm going to do for my peers in class, I'm not going to actually clear this course and be able to graduate.

They're focused on what's going to happen at the end, but not everything that they do in their cadence of how they prepare for taking that free throw, just like they would in a gym when no one's there, bouncing the ball three or four times, maybe rolling it off the end of their fingertips, gripping it with two hands, light bounce in their knee, big deep breath, reaching back, following through, locked in, then the ball goes in. Now, if you're following me, what I'm talking about right there is called process, and we've heard it used ad nauseam.

Focus on the process, fixate on the process. But that fixation and that focused is ultimately what will prevent you from choking. It's just that it's actually quite simple.

If you are fixated on process and everything that needs to happen leading up to your big moments. You won't actually choke. Now, we can never have 100% guarantees because nothing is actually fully, fully locked in or 100% given in life.

But people that are continually choking in big moments before they actually had a breakthrough.

The tennis player who makes so many finals and he's so good with so much promise, but can never win the big one, he always chokes on that final moment or in that big stage. So choking psychologically could be either the fixation on all the glory that's going to come from it or the failure that hasn't even happened.

But now you plant it in your head and instead your body and mind, the entire physiology of your being is going to be focused on the wrong thing, which are those two outcomes as opposed to everything else. Now, the athletes who choked the least and even, let's just take for an example Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan had this great Nike commercial about how he's missed. And I don't even remember the numbers, it was like 10,000 free throws.

I've missed the game winning shot when I was trusted with it, 200 something times. I have faltered so many times and failed so many times, but that is why I succeed.

Now, obviously he has more incredible and amazing outcomes and positive endings than he does the negative ones. But I think there's a lesson to be learned.

Even though Michael Jordan is in a totally different stratosphere from you and me, there's something to be learned from that.

Because when you look at Michael Jordan and you look at the great ones, the Tom Brady's of the world, even the people you work with, look at people in your everyday life, if they're really good at what they do, they are obsessed with their craft. They are obsessed and fixated on getting better. They're focused on the process, the process of improvement, the process of growth continually.

They're never really talking about the ending. They're always focused on that. And those individuals that do that are the ones that choke less often, right? They choke the least.

Or they have less bad endings, if you will. Because again, it's never foolproof, okay? You can't win every single time.

And to Michael Jordan's point in that amazing Nike commercial, if you want to Google it and find it, because it's an old one, but an incredibly good one with a really, really powerful lesson that it's all those failures and all those missteps or falling short that ultimately helps you land at succeeding. So for those of us that have maybe experienced that sensation and it's not a good one. Right? The anxiety that fills you of I may fail at this.

I may not actually be able to win here, I may not be able to get the outcome, I may not be able to close this deal, I may not be able to secure that relationship for work or whatever it is I'm doing. Again, the fixation is on the ending.

If you just focus on everything that you need to do that got you to this point, your shortcomings and your not winning or not succeeding, not closing, not achieving, is going to be far, far disproportionately less than those times that you actually win and those times that you actually do overcome. So focus on process, not on the end result itself, and you'll find that you'll actually tip the scales in your favor.

So here is what you are going to do.

Okay, if you are actually trying to secure a deal or you're trying to close a sale, but you're hesitant about the fact that you may be charging too much, or that your competitor might have a little bit of a better offer and you're feeling a little bit insecure, that or you're an athlete who has something big that's coming up, or there's a big presentation, a big moment in your life, whatever it might be. Maybe you're giving your wedding speech this Saturday and you don't want to mess it up. Don't focus at the end.

Don't take yourself all the way and fast forward to the finish line, whether it's a good outcome or a bad outcome, because you're just going to be filling your head and your body with all kinds of unnecessary and nervous energy. But rather right now, just focus on what you need to do and stay present. What do I need to do right now to get better?

What do I need to do right now to take that next step, to take a step further? And Saturday, Friday, whatever the end game is, whatever your finish line is that you need to approach, will actually get there on its own.

You don't need to rush to get to it. Just focus on your actual process. Break things down into micro steps.

Whether it's a sales process, whether it's a conversation that you need to have, maybe it's a difficult one with a family member, whatever it might be that's giving you this kind of anxiety and building you up negatively. Just focus on things in micro steps. Again, focus on the process.

The rest will take care of itself and the rest being the results, and you'll find that you'll choke far less often. Now I gain a lot from hearing from other people.

So whether you are watching this on YouTube or you're just listening to it, shoot me a DM on Instagram or leave me a comment on my YouTube channel and tell me about a time that maybe you choked and did you figure it out as to why that happens or were you able to correct it or do you still feel lost?

Just shoot me some feedback and thoughts on this because again, this is the kind of energy that I like to get back from people and hear what's going on in their lives or where they may be falling short so that we can all help each other. The next thing I want to talk to you guys about, which will be on our next episode, is called Meeting the Moment.

Now, this is a very critical mindset for all of us in big moments that we're facing and right now in the world, there are plenty of those. So I look forward to seeing you guys on the next one.