The Truth About Being a Better Human - Part 2 | Ep 33
In this powerful second part of my reflections on the Better Human Project, I dive deep into the lessons and experiences that shaped my perspective on life, happiness, and service to others. I share the defining moment when I realized that true happiness comes from noticing rather than expecting, a lesson reinforced by years of traveling to India and witnessing the beauty of selflessness. From my grandmother’s unwavering dedication to serving others to a powerful encounter with a group of children in the streets of Delhi, I unpack the real meaning of LFG energy. I also challenge you to think about how you want to be remembered—if there was just one word people used to describe you, what would it be? This episode is a call to action: Pick your word, align your actions with it, and commit to being a better human every day.
Timestamps:
(00:00) - Introduction
(02:30) - What truly makes someone happy?
(05:45) - The difference between noticing vs. expecting
(08:10) - Lessons from childhood summers in India
(10:30) - The absence of jealousy and why it matters
(13:15) - The power of kindness & being in service
(15:40) - The “one word” challenge—how do you want to be remembered?
Welcome to the LFG Energy podcast! Your host, Arjun Dhingra, is a two-time Taekwondo world champion and the former Team USA co-head coach. He is a 23-year mortgage veteran of the industry who loves influencing change in people.
This podcast is about the stories and lessons of those who have had their backs against the wall and have ultimately overcome. Former Olympians, coaches, entrepreneurs, and incredible human beings will share their experiences of resilience and beating the odds in spite of adversity so that you too can learn to start doing the same in your life.
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Transcript
Life doesn't have the script that we want it to follow.
Speaker A:Life doesn't know what we're expecting and therefore when it inevitably does disappoint us or fall short, this is a huge, disruptive or triggering moment for people.
Speaker A:So think about areas in your life where you could use a little bit of absence of jealousy and envy and comparison and just let things go and recognize them for the beautiful things that they are and stop trying to insert yourself into it or making it so personal.
Speaker A:When you pass away, regardless of how many people are at your funeral, whether it's five people or 5,000 or 50,000, how do you want them to remember you?
Speaker A:And what is the one word you want them to remember you by?
Speaker A:Welcome back to the show, guys, and part two of my reflections from a recent keynote called the Better Human Project.
Speaker A:I wanted to share with you guys stories, reflections and lessons that I shared with the audience that day because I feel that this can help everybody.
Speaker A:Regardless of who you are and what you are doing in life, there are lessons and takeaways here that have impacted me and continue to impact me in my day to day life at 46 years old.
Speaker A:And I want the same for you.
Speaker A: So back in: Speaker A:And I started working with a therapist who was a little bit more of a life coach.
Speaker A:She worked with entrepreneurs and professionals that were kind of in high octane environments, dealing with a lot of stress, a lot of different balls being thrown at them.
Speaker A:And she was a little bit perplexed.
Speaker A:I'll never forget on our first call before I met her in person, as to why I was coming to her not at a point of crisis, but actually at a point of euphoria in my life.
Speaker A:And I told her quite simply, I don't want these breakthroughs or these great feelings to ever go away.
Speaker A:I want to keep experiencing them.
Speaker A:I want to keep growing, I want to keep evolving.
Speaker A:So she agreed to take me on because she had a long wait list and was very selective about she worked with.
Speaker A:She was also very expensive, but it was worth every single penny.
Speaker A:Still to this day, and on our very first sit down, she asked me point blank, I want you to define for me and there's no right or wrong answer on what it is to be happy, what makes somebody happy versus unhappy.
Speaker A:I sat there in some silence, I stared at her, got a little bit uncomfortable A little bit awkward.
Speaker A:And I kind of dropped my gaze and was staring down at the floor, even looking at my shoes.
Speaker A:I remember this like yesterday.
Speaker A:I was trying to come up with the answer.
Speaker A:She said, look, you don't need to figure this out right now.
Speaker A:I want you to think about this.
Speaker A:Consider it homework.
Speaker A:I actually had a flight that week to New York.
Speaker A:Cause I was flying back east to see my dad.
Speaker A:So that's a long flight.
Speaker A:I had a lot of time on the plane going and a lot of time on the plane coming back.
Speaker A:And in that 12 hours, if you put it all together, probably of flying time, I was able to come up with an answer that I had actually written down in my journal.
Speaker A:And here's what it came down to for me.
Speaker A:And I'd like for you to answer the same question as you're listening to this.
Speaker A:What is it that you think makes somebody happy?
Speaker A:What is it that makes you happy?
Speaker A:How do we define it?
Speaker A:And I think it can be different for everybody, of course, but for me, my answer was is that there are two kinds of people in this world.
Speaker A:Those who go through life expecting and those who go through life noticing.
Speaker A:If we think about expectations and how they lead to basically being unhappy, and this is ancient old Greek philosophy, it's been written on a lot by stoics and authors of great history and time that if you want to be unhappy in this life, just have a lot of expectations.
Speaker A:And I think for those of us, if we think about people around us, maybe even quite honestly look in the mirror at ourselves.
Speaker A:Anytime that I have found that I've been unhappy or frustrated with something or having a bad moment, if I stop for a second and just peel back all of the layers, it is rooted in an expectation of something.
Speaker A:The expectation that the market would view me differently, an expectation that an outcome would happen the way I had envisioned it or scripted it, or an expectation of other people to do things for me.
Speaker A:Again, ask yourself that same question every time you've been led to disappointment or you found yourself to be really unhappy or frustrated or just dissatisfied with life.
Speaker A:I promise you there is a root or a common denominator of expectation.
Speaker A:So if we look at people that are constantly short circuiting around us, it's simply that their expectations are not being met.
Speaker A:Because life doesn't have the script that we want it to follow.
Speaker A:Life doesn't know what we're expecting.
Speaker A:And therefore, when it inevitably does disappoint us or fall short, this is a huge, disruptive or triggering moment for people.
Speaker A:Now Conversely, on the other side, for who I defined as people that are happy if they go through life noticing just actually being present.
Speaker A:And this is much easier said than done, guys.
Speaker A:So don't get me wrong.
Speaker A:I'm not a full fledged 100% of the time practicing person of this tenet that I just shared with you.
Speaker A:But if you really stop and think all the times that you've been happy or there's been content or harmony, if you're just noticing what's going on around you and you're not attached to outcomes or there is no expectation, life is actually okay right here in the present.
Speaker A:We're not anxious about something that hasn't happened by thinking about the future.
Speaker A:We're not depressed by attaching ourselves to something that happened in our past or in our history.
Speaker A:We're right here.
Speaker A:We're just noticing what's going on around us.
Speaker A:And in many cases, guys, there's a lot of beauty in that.
Speaker A:You see great stories of people that are overcoming things or people that are doing more with less, people that have overcome, people with LFG energy.
Speaker A:It's all around us if we just pay attention and notice.
Speaker A:That, to me, is what defines actually being happy.
Speaker A:So I shared this with the therapist when I got back from the trip.
Speaker A:I was really excited, kind of like somebody in school that was very eager to present or share my answers with this person because I was hoping they'd be impressed by it.
Speaker A:She said, I hadn't heard that before, but that's very good.
Speaker A:And that's your personal mantra, if you will.
Speaker A:And we are going to keep it.
Speaker A:And we used it as kind of a cornerstone and all of the framework and all the building and all of the just development that we would do over the span of the next five to six years.
Speaker A:And what I'd like to do with you guys today on this episode, after you've taken a quick moment to perhaps think about how you would define happiness or what to you makes somebody or other people happy, or even you yourself happy.
Speaker A:I actually share some of the things that I have noticed, quote unquote, through my upbringing.
Speaker A:Now, I've said this before.
Speaker A:A huge part of my formative and developing years was spending every summer as a kid in India.
Speaker A:You see, we went to school and grew up here in the States, my brother, sister and I.
Speaker A:And even before my sister was born, because she's eight years younger than me, my brother and I and my mom who taught school.
Speaker A:So she was out of school the day we were out of school.
Speaker A:Literally the Next week, we were on a plane to go to India so that we could connect with our grandparents, our cousins, our culture.
Speaker A:Now, this is ideally not the time for those of you that have been to India or you yourself are Indian.
Speaker A:Listening to this, you know that going in summers is difficult.
Speaker A:It's actually quite hell, literally, because it's hot as hell, like temperatures well above 100 with full humidity.
Speaker A:But still, that was the time for us to go.
Speaker A:My father would join us because of his work schedule pretty much during the last couple weeks of our trip, and then fly back with us.
Speaker A:But when I look back, it was a magical time and it was a whole nother world.
Speaker A:And it taught us so many lessons that I actually keep with me to this day.
Speaker A:Lessons of true humility and understanding the difference between haves and have nots, what is actually people's faults versus what isn't.
Speaker A:Now, I'm blessed because I was very close with all four of my grandparents.
Speaker A:I had amazing relationships with all of them.
Speaker A:But my grandmother, or my Nani, as I refer to her on my mom's side, was the one I was very, very closely connected to.
Speaker A:Still to this day, I hear her voice in my head.
Speaker A:I have photos of her that I look back on, and her lessons are always coming out in some way, shape or form in some magical way.
Speaker A:Now, in India at that time, when I was a kid, women didn't really work.
Speaker A:Some of it was societal rules.
Speaker A:And oftentimes women were really at home to take care of children, grandchildren, and maintain the household.
Speaker A:But my grandmother volunteered at a hospital two days a week, and it would really upset me because she'd be gone for most of the days.
Speaker A:I don't remember what days they were, but for purposes of sharing this story, we're gonna say that it's on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Speaker A:So I would get really upset when she would leave and I would say, nani, why do you have to leave?
Speaker A:And she says, I gotta go.
Speaker A:I gotta go.
Speaker A:I'll be home soon.
Speaker A:And she'd come back late in the evening and I wouldn't get to see her, and it would really upset me.
Speaker A:One particular day that I'll never forget, she held my hand and walked with me down this very long driveway before getting in a rickshaw to go to the hospital because it was in the same neighborhood, it wasn't full far.
Speaker A:And I said, nani, why do you have to go if it's not your job, if you're not working there, then why are you going?
Speaker A:I couldn't make Any sense of it.
Speaker A:And I was 8 years old and she told me, listen, I go, because it's the right thing to do.
Speaker A:And I still hear those words.
Speaker A:And it punched me in the chest.
Speaker A:And it was at that moment that I knew at the age of 8 years old that I wanted to be in service to other people.
Speaker A:I saw how happy and kind hearted and incredibly decent of a human being that my grandmother was, and I wanted to emulate it in any way I could.
Speaker A:And I said, well, if she's in service to other people and she says that it's the right thing to do, then damn it, I will subscribe to that and it will be the right thing to do, to try and help people and just always serve others, even when it doesn't benefit me financially, and let's say, most especially when it doesn't.
Speaker A:So that was the first powerful lesson that I learned at the age of 8 in going to India.
Speaker A:Now, there were many, but there's two others that I want to highlight.
Speaker A:One was probably a few trips after that because again, we went every single year.
Speaker A:But we would stay at my dad's family's house for a few days and then go back to my mom's family's house for a few days and.
Speaker A:And they were on the opposite sides of New Delhi, so it took a good hour to get from one end to the other.
Speaker A:Now, during these summer months, you'd get some really heavy rains or monsoons, depending on the actual season or time of year.
Speaker A:And there was one particular scene.
Speaker A:We were going over this long bridge and there was a car because we were about to pass it and I was sitting in the front seat on the passenger side just looking out the window, watching.
Speaker A:Because it's quite a unique scene.
Speaker A:It's not anything I'm used to and I'm fascinated by everything that's going on.
Speaker A:The poverty, the beauty, all of it just wrapped into one.
Speaker A:And there was this car that had clearly broken down, but it was being pushed up a little bit of an incline by probably a half dozen homeless children.
Speaker A:Some of them were wearing nothing but loincloths.
Speaker A:And the ones that did have clothes on them were completely soaked because it was raining.
Speaker A:And there was something I noticed and it was one of the most valuable lessons to this day that I've ever learned.
Speaker A:These kids were all smiling, they were all happy, full of joy as they were out in the rain doing something so divine, which was just helping.
Speaker A:They were helping push this car because it had broken down, to get it up over a Ridge so that it could maybe catch some momentum and be able to kickstart itself, like a lot of cars in India at that time.
Speaker A:But in seeing how happy they were, and instead of being unhappy that it's raining or that this person has a car and they don't, and this person is probably going home to a house or a nice place to live, and these children are on the streets, there wasn't any of that.
Speaker A:There was no envy.
Speaker A:What I learned in that moment was the valuable lesson of the absence of jealousy.
Speaker A:And I think this is a tenet that we all need reminding of, because there's too much jealousy, there's too much envy.
Speaker A:And comparison, as we've all been taught, is the thief of joy.
Speaker A:When we compare ourselves to others and we think about all the things that we don't have, that's the fastest way, or maybe the second fastest way to end up unhappy.
Speaker A:First, being having expectations, as we talked about earlier in this episode.
Speaker A:But that lesson has stayed with me, and I'll never forget the sight of those children.
Speaker A:I can close my eyes and look at it and think of it just like it happened yesterday.
Speaker A:So think about areas in your life where you could use a little bit of absence of jealousy and envy and comparison and just let things go and recognize them for the beautiful things that they are and stop trying to insert yourself into it or making it so personal.
Speaker A:The last lesson I'm going to share with you was actually in more recent years.
Speaker A: It was: Speaker A:This is also the city that my mother was born in, although she didn't spend much time there.
Speaker A:So I felt a need and a strong calling to want to go see it.
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:Calcutta is a beautiful city.
Speaker A:It's often referred to as the city of joy, but it is also also home to probably the largest slum in all of India, right within its urban confines.
Speaker A:So there is an immense amount of poverty there.
Speaker A:And if you aren't quite ready for it, it can be very emotional to witness this now, having been conditioned of years and years of seeing it as a kid and a teenager, seeing it as an adult.
Speaker A: Just as recently as: Speaker A:But there was one moment when my dad and I were kind of walking through some streets and we turned a corner and there was this amateur mural that had been painted.
Speaker A:It wasn't quite accurate, but you knew exactly who it was depicting, and that was Mother Teresa.
Speaker A:And there was a quote underneath it.
Speaker A:Again, it punched me in the chest and it stayed with me.
Speaker A:And that is that when we judge people, we leave no room to love them.
Speaker A:This is immensely powerful because we live in a constant world or state of judging people, including judging ourselves.
Speaker A:We're really hard on ourselves.
Speaker A:And I'm guilty of this from time to time, too.
Speaker A:The things that we didn't get done, where we fell short, we beat ourselves up.
Speaker A:We judge.
Speaker A:But when we judge people, including judging ourselves, we leave no room to love them.
Speaker A:I can't think of anything more powerful than that.
Speaker A:And it came from someone who I think has been deemed sainthood, but one of the most decent human beings and most selfless human beings that's ever graced this planet.
Speaker A:So those are three lessons, and I'm going to wrap with something very important, which is my definition or what I subscribe to, as how I want to be a better human all the time.
Speaker A:And I want to do it as an exercise with you guys as we wrap up this segment.
Speaker A:But I will ask you before I get to that, thinking back to your own formative years.
Speaker A:Maybe it's still happening right now as a young adult, because we never really stop learning and growing, do we?
Speaker A:But think about certain things.
Speaker A:Life events, travels, experiences, encounters that have shaped your life in the way that I'm describing to you as these lessons that I learned in India.
Speaker A:I encourage you to journal them, write them down, explore them a little bit, and find the meaning and the impact of what it is left on your life and how it's guiding you today in the present.
Speaker A:And come back to it from time to time as one of those life lessons or reminders, because it's nothing that a book can give you, only the beautiful and rare and invaluable experiences of what it is to be a human being walking this life that we're all in.
Speaker A:So here's something I want to ask you all, and this is again, my exercise for everyone.
Speaker A:And if you've been listening to this podcast, you know when I do collaborations with guests, there are a number of them, depending on how emotional the segment or the episode was, that I will conclude with this one question.
Speaker A:And that is also for you today.
Speaker A:And the question is, when you pass away, regardless of how many people are at your funeral, whether it's five people or 5,000 or 50,000, how do you want your children, your grandchildren, your great grandchildren, if you're fortunate enough to see them Maybe if you don't have kids, maybe it's your nieces and nephews, maybe it's just the people that knew you, however few or many there were.
Speaker A:How do you want them to remember you?
Speaker A:And what is the one word you want them to remember you by?
Speaker A:One word and one word only.
Speaker A:I want you to think of this word and spend some time.
Speaker A:For some of you listening to this, it might have come to you instantly.
Speaker A:For others, you might be scratching your head and wondering.
Speaker A:I'm not quite sure what it would be, but I want to think about this a little more.
Speaker A:And either way is fine, guys, because unless we're thinking about this stuff consciously, sometimes we don't have the answers.
Speaker A:But now, during this episode and post episode, and as you have time to yourself, maybe on a commute or a long walk, I want you to think about that word and be really honest with yourself about what is the one.
Speaker A:You might have multiple ones, but I want you to pick just one.
Speaker A:It's the only thing that you care that they remember you by.
Speaker A:Now, for me, this word is kind.
Speaker A:It's the only thing I care about.
Speaker A:Because when I had all those lessons that I learned in India and during that very important walk with my grandmother, when she told me about why volunteering is the right thing to do, to give back and to be in service to others, I knew and recognized also in that moment that my grandmother was the kindest human being that I would ever encounter in my life.
Speaker A:And to this day, she still is.
Speaker A:No one has even come close.
Speaker A:So that word to me, is the only one that I cared to be remembered by.
Speaker A:It's not rich, wealthy, impactful, legendary.
Speaker A:These are all great words.
Speaker A:If you want to be the richest guy and you're known for wealth, great.
Speaker A:Do it, subscribe to it, and go right after it.
Speaker A:For me, it was kind.
Speaker A:I want to know what your guys's word is.
Speaker A:So please write to me either on Instagram directly or write it in the comments of wherever you're watching this podcast or listening to it.
Speaker A:Because everyone's is unique and special and I want to celebrate that with you and also hopefully hold you accountable for that word.
Speaker A:But pick your word, etch it into your heart, ingrain it into your mind, and live every day in some type of a step towards this.
Speaker A:Remain in alignment with it.
Speaker A:Now I understand again, because nothing is perfect.
Speaker A:As we talked about in the first part of this little mini series here, imperfections happen.
Speaker A:That's what life is.
Speaker A:We are going to fall off our way.
Speaker A:We will get off track from time to time.
Speaker A:That's what being a human being is about.
Speaker A:But we need to regain course and get back in alignment.
Speaker A:Even if we take some steps backwards because of a crisis, or we just again lose our way or lose control, whatever it might be, it's okay.
Speaker A:Be kind to yourself, but get back on track and move in alignment towards this one word.
Speaker A:Because if it's etched into your heart and you've spoken it out to the universe and you've created it, and you're trying to manifest it as your way of life, I promise you, you will be a better human.
Speaker A:No matter how much time you have left on this earth, whether it's a few months, a few years, several decades, none of us are guaranteed anything.
Speaker A:But if we're all moving in alignment towards that one word that we've burned into our hearts, I promise you, you will be a better human.
Speaker A:I will continue to do it right alongside you, and the world will be better for it.
Speaker A:So that's the lesson and the takeaway I want to share with you guys.
Speaker A:This was a really personal and very special few segments that I got to share with you guys, and it wasn't by design.
Speaker A:It actually came again in the wake of doing a keynote, and I thought, I want to share this with our podcast audience because I want it to be able to help have impact and hopefully guide people to becoming better humans.
Speaker A:I appreciate and love every one of you for listening to the show, continuing to support it, and I will see you guys on the next one.
