Extreme Ownership: Stop Blaming, Start Building | Ep 44
In this solo episode, I break down the real meaning of extreme ownership—what it is, why most people avoid it, and how it separates winners from whiners. From athletes to creatives, students to professionals, I reveal a simple 3-step framework to stop blaming and start building momentum. You'll learn how taking full responsibility—even when it’s hard—puts you back in the driver’s seat of your career, mindset, and results. This episode is your call to stop outsourcing your power. Ownership isn’t shame—it’s strategy. Let’s get it.
Timestamps:
(00:02) – Getting Out of the Way
(01:36) – Introduction to Extreme Ownership
(05:40) – Understanding Blame and Responsibility
(10:33) – Taking Ownership: The Path to Personal Responsibility
(12:55) – Taking Ownership of Outcomes
(18:18) – Owning Your Challenges
Welcome to the LFG Energy podcast! Your host, Arjun Dhingra, is a two-time Taekwondo world champion and the former Team USA co-head coach. He is a 23-year mortgage veteran of the industry who loves influencing change in people.
This podcast is about the stories and lessons of those who have had their backs against the wall and have ultimately overcome. Former Olympians, coaches, entrepreneurs, and incredible human beings will share their experiences of resilience and beating the odds in spite of adversity so that you too can learn to start doing the same in your life.
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Transcript
That's fine.
Speaker A:Let's get me out of the way.
Speaker A:I need this as a guide.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Is this okay?
Speaker A:How are we audio wise here if you want to just check.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's not too bad.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Here, we'll get here.
Speaker A:Okay, this is out of the way.
Speaker A:All right, ready?
Speaker A:Okay, ready.
Speaker A:All right, Ellie and team.
Speaker A:This one is going to be called Extreme Ownership or another title.
Speaker A:Could be it's probably me or it also could be Everything is my Fault.
Speaker A:Maybe a blend of all three or a subtitle.
Speaker A:So whatever you want.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Hey, what is up, everybody?
Speaker A:And welcome back to another episode of the LFG Energy Podcast.
Speaker A:This is your quick hit of clarity, mental.
Speaker A:Nah.
Speaker A:This is your quick hit of clarity, mindset and momentum to build whatever it is that you're trying to further in your life, whether it's a career, a brand new, your personal fitness stage, whatever it might be.
Speaker A:This episode is for you.
Speaker A:And today's episode is especially important because I actually thought of this when I was at the gym this morning.
Speaker A:I was having a conversation with an athlete.
Speaker A:I was having a conversation with another fellow athlete there.
Speaker A:And it got me thinking about how so many of us go through life blaming.
Speaker A:And I have been in that position before.
Speaker A:We've all done this at some point.
Speaker A:So I want to help everyone today, but reframe the conversation when it comes to the things that happen to us and playing the victim and blaming the exterior world.
Speaker A:Wait there.
Speaker A:This opening up.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker A:One sec.
Speaker A:So today we are going to talk about what will absolutely set the winners apart from the whiners.
Speaker A:And it comes down to extreme ownership.
Speaker A:By the end of this episode, you as the listener are going to have a better understanding of why blaming others is actually a trap.
Speaker A:You will learn how extreme ownership empowers every aspect of your life, from your personal relationships to your business or professional development.
Speaker A:And you will walk away with a framework of being able to say, it's probably me or this is actually my fault, not in a negative way, and actually apply this daily.
Speaker A:So there's that.
Speaker A:Now I'm going to hit you with something really hard right out of the gates here.
Speaker A:You cannot change what you don't own.
Speaker A:So the moment you stop blaming others is the moment that your life starts to change.
Speaker A:We are going to unpack how this way of thinking is going to change your relationships, your thinking, your approach, your confidence, and even, yes, your mental health.
Speaker A:Can you pick that?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:This?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like it?
Speaker A:Pull it down just a little bit so it straightens out.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:Okay, okay.
Speaker A:Actually, if I do this, then it'll actually straighten it out.
Speaker A:Here we go.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Did I say that?
Speaker A:Okay, so let's get into today's episode.
Speaker A:Now, the first thing we want to touch on.
Speaker A:Now, the first thing I'd like to touch on is why we actually default to blame.
Speaker A:And again, guys, as I said at the beginning of this, this is something we all do at some point.
Speaker A:Some of us are maybe a little bit better than others at no longer blaming.
Speaker A:Some of us might be kind of in that transition point where we sometimes blame, but most of the time, we take ownership or responsibility for our role in things.
Speaker A:And there's.
Speaker A:And there are those that may be listening to this that are constantly in that victim state.
Speaker A:And again, today's episode is going to help you start getting on the pathway to no longer being trapped by it.
Speaker A:We have to remember that blame is automatic.
Speaker A:It's easy.
Speaker A:It's a immediate default.
Speaker A:And in actuality, sometimes, guys, as crazy as this sounds, blaming feels safe.
Speaker A:We blame the market.
Speaker A:We blame the boss.
Speaker A:We blame the other person.
Speaker A:When a relationship ends, I mean, how many times have we had a friend come up to us and say, well, I just broke up with so and so, or this ended, and you know what?
Speaker A:That person's crazy.
Speaker A:Well, I was talking with this athlete again at the gym this morning, and she was talking about a mutual friend of ours who actually just broke up with someone yet again and had the same autopsy for the end of the relationship, which was that the other person was crazy.
Speaker A:Well, the truth is that the last 10 relationships that this person has been in have all had the same autopsy or outcome.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So maybe it's not that the other people are crazy.
Speaker A:The common denominator here in these breakups seems to be you.
Speaker A:Maybe you are the one who's crazy or you're doing something to invite this craziness.
Speaker A:We blame the markets.
Speaker A:We blame the bot.
Speaker A:No, cut that part.
Speaker A:I already said that.
Speaker A:In sports, we blame the ref.
Speaker A:We blame the weather.
Speaker A:We blame the judges.
Speaker A:We blame the circumstances, the conditions of the field.
Speaker A:But here's the truth.
Speaker A:Blame is just a deflection of power.
Speaker A:Because when you blame, you also hand away in that same breath your ability to change the perspective.
Speaker A:Sorry.
Speaker A:Because when you blame, you also in that same breath, change your ability to change.
Speaker A:Because when you blame, you in the same breath, affect your ability to change the outcome.
Speaker A:There we go.
Speaker A:You are basically saying, this is not my fault, therefore there is nothing here for me to fix.
Speaker A:And that mindset, guys, is the total opposite of what LFG energy is all about.
Speaker A:LFG energy is about.
Speaker A:LFG energy is all about maximum ownership.
Speaker A:It is all about saying if it is to be, then it up.
Speaker A:It is all about saying that if it is to be, then it is up to me that I'm going to be the one to create this breakthrough.
Speaker A:Even when the odds are stacked against me or everybody else is saying, no, there's nothing but red lights over here.
Speaker A:I'm going to make my own green light.
Speaker A:That's what LFG energy is.
Speaker A:As you guys already know, that's what LFG energy is.
Speaker A:So to say that this is not my fault or it's somebody else's fault or always blaming that mindset, it keeps you small.
Speaker A:It will keep you stuck.
Speaker A:And it guarantees above all that nothing is going to change or get better.
Speaker A:You will remain a loser.
Speaker A:You will remain falling on the wrong side of the outcome.
Speaker A:You'll always fall short.
Speaker A:So, yes, the opposite of blame is extreme ownership.
Speaker A:The opposite of blame is to say, you know what, it's probably me.
Speaker A:And to get into that space, it means that we have to start asking better questions.
Speaker A:Stopping with why is this happening to me?
Speaker A:And reframe it as to what did I do or maybe even not do to actually end up with this result.
Speaker A:What was my role in this?
Speaker A:What could I have done better?
Speaker A:How could I have prepared more?
Speaker A:Those questions change everything.
Speaker A:Ownership is not about taking blame and everything, guys.
Speaker A:So don't get me wrong here.
Speaker A:It's actually about just taking responsibility for your role in everything.
Speaker A:It's actually about taking responsibility for your role in anything because when you take ownership, you have leverage, you get options, you get growth and you are back in the driver's seat.
Speaker A:So let's create a framework because I promised you that you would get this here for moving forward and how to actually turn this all around.
Speaker A:So let's create a framework here because I promised this to you at the onset of this episode and, and I want to give you something to go by so you can start to turn things around in your own life.
Speaker A:Here is a simple three step process.
Speaker A:Number one is first, spot the blame.
Speaker A:Where are you currently making excuses?
Speaker A:Where are you frustrated?
Speaker A:Where are you ending up?
Speaker A:Bitter.
Speaker A:That is your trigger and that is exactly where you are outsourcing this power.
Speaker A:So we need to first find and pinpoint that spot.
Speaker A:Next is we need to flip the mirror.
Speaker A:Since we're not going to blame any longer, we are going to ask, what is my role in this?
Speaker A:What did you ignore.
Speaker A:What did you avoid?
Speaker A:What did you half ass?
Speaker A:And this is not judgment, so it's not meant to be a negative thing.
Speaker A:It's data.
Speaker A:Because with data, we can actually do something.
Speaker A:It's actually, guys, a huge power move.
Speaker A:So don't think of it as something negative, but something actually empowering.
Speaker A:And lastly, number three, own the fix.
Speaker A:This is really, really important.
Speaker A:What is one action you can ask yourself right now that would change the outcome today?
Speaker A:There's no need for heroics or vast overhauls, just one bold move in the right direction.
Speaker A:Okay, so let's make this applicable to everyone who listens to the show.
Speaker A:First, let's start with athletes.
Speaker A:And this is something that I can relate to because I did this.
Speaker A:In fact, the last time I was in a circumstance where I for a moment blamed the exterior, it was when I lost.
Speaker A:And you guys have followed this if you have been listening to the show.
Speaker A: When I lost in: Speaker A:If one person actually votes my way instead of the other way, the decision is the opposite.
Speaker A:So I blamed the refs.
Speaker A:I said I got cheated.
Speaker A:It was a bad result.
Speaker A:But instead of blaming the field conditions or the refs, what I should have been doing, what I've done now is taken full ownership of that outcome.
Speaker A:Did I train like I meant it?
Speaker A:Did I show up early?
Speaker A:Did I focus on every rep?
Speaker A:Did I do everything within my control to make sure that that outcome would be favorable?
Speaker A:So I want you as an athlete to ask yourself that if you've fallen short anywhere in the last few years or just recently.
Speaker A:Next, for students or graduates or people entering the workforce, you didn't get the job or the institution.
Speaker A:You didn't get the job.
Speaker A:Or maybe you didn't get the internship.
Speaker A:Maybe you didn't pass that big exam or get into the school that you wanted to.
Speaker A:Don't blame the process.
Speaker A:Don't say that it was rigged against you.
Speaker A:Don't blame racism or blame who's in office or blame the institution itself and say, well, they don't want me there.
Speaker A:Or the people that could have awarded this to you and say, they just don't like me.
Speaker A:That's taking the easy way out.
Speaker A:That's taking the easy way out.
Speaker A:Instead, ask, was my resume sharp?
Speaker A:Did I network?
Speaker A:That I follow up?
Speaker A:Did I do all the things to prepare and put myself in the best possible position for success?
Speaker A:When I went into this, chances are the Answer lies there, guys, and not with the exterior.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:For creatives or marketing pros, you come up with something, you present it to a client and they don't love the work.
Speaker A:The natural reaction is to say those people are crazy.
Speaker A:They don't appreciate my work.
Speaker A:They don't love or have any consideration for what it is that I did for them.
Speaker A:But again, ask yourself the hard questions.
Speaker A:Did you communicate the value?
Speaker A:Did you take risks or did you play it safe?
Speaker A:Did you try and be bold in what you were presenting to these people that was really going to get them to see you differently?
Speaker A:And for my fellow real estate and mortgage professionals, obviously I come from this space, so I understand this all the time.
Speaker A:Because we lose deals, the market is easy to blame.
Speaker A:We blame high interest rates, we blame the lack of action from, we blame the lack of action from Fed Chairman Jerome Powell.
Speaker A:We say that Trump's the reason that this is not working out.
Speaker A:And if Kamala, or if only this or only that, these clients won't call me back, there's a lot of excuses.
Speaker A:And I've been, and I've been victim to this sometimes too in this kind of toxic thinking.
Speaker A:And we're all human, so naturally we're all going to react.
Speaker A:But again, you have to ask yourself, and I've done this many times, am I creating content or visibility that is helping me counteract all this negativity that's out there in the marketplace?
Speaker A:What is my follow up process and then, and what is my follow up process and then I actually doing it?
Speaker A:Am I just sitting back waiting for the phone ring or am I being proactive and asking people for business, trying to make things happen, continuing to evolve.
Speaker A:The answer always lies in those tougher questions.
Speaker A:Guys.
Speaker A:In summary, every profession, every pass, every, every way that you go down, ownership wins every single time.
Speaker A:Ask the questions, own the honest answers and you'll see different results the next time around.
Speaker A:Here are some core truths that I want you all to live by and write these down.
Speaker A:I love to have certain mantras that I have on post it notes on my desk.
Speaker A:And if you're going through something right now or you are embarking upon a real big and serious challenge in your life and you don't necessarily know what the outcome is going to be like, I think these are some good frameworks or things that you should have that you are reading daily and always reminding yourself of.
Speaker A:So here we go.
Speaker A:First, remember that he or she who blames stays the same.
Speaker A:Next, you either own the outcome or you are about to Be owned by it.
Speaker A:Extreme ownership is not.
Speaker A:Excuse me, extreme ownership is not shame.
Speaker A:It's a strategy.
Speaker A:And lastly, stop waiting for someone else to fix what's in your lane.
Speaker A:Let me be blunt, guys.
Speaker A:Playing it safe and small is canceled.
Speaker A:Let me be blunt, guys.
Speaker A:Playing it safe and playing it small is absolutely canceled.
Speaker A:He who risks nothing, gains nothing.
Speaker A:He or she who risks nothing gains absolutely nothing.
Speaker A:And winning is not supposed to be easy.
Speaker A:Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially when it comes to the emotional challenges.
Speaker A:Ownership is the cost of greatness and the price today, it's always worth it.
Speaker A:So I want to leave you with this.
Speaker A:What is one aspect or area in your life that is not working right now to the way that you would want it to?
Speaker A:So let me leave you with this.
Speaker A:What is one aspect or space in your life that is not working right now?
Speaker A:It's not operating at the level that you want or that you had hoped for.
Speaker A:And ask yourself, in the wake of that disappointment or whatever's going on that's not to your liking, what if I fully owned the problem right now and its outcome or solution?
Speaker A:That's the challenge.
Speaker A:That is your edge, my friends.
Speaker A:That is where your next level lies.
Speaker A:I appreciate you guys for hanging with me, and I hope you got some real serious takeaways on this, because again, this episode hit me.
Speaker A:When I was at the gym this morning through a conversation with someone, I felt really inspired.
Speaker A:And I thought, you know what?
Speaker A:I want to bring this to my audience today.
Speaker A:I don't want to sit on this and mull it over because I feel like there are so many people around us right now.
Speaker A:We all know people like this, and hopefully we are not one of them.
Speaker A:But if we are, we're going to change that today after this episode who are going through these challenges, who are constantly looking out and shouting at the rain as opposed to just putting up their umbrella and getting on with their day.
Speaker A:Now, if this episode was helpful to you, I would really appreciate it if you shared it with someone that you thought it could also help.
Speaker A:And if you really liked it yourself, if you please take a screenshot of it and send it to me or tag me in an Instagram story post so that I can continue to make topics like this available to you guys through the show.
Speaker A:It means a lot to me and it helps me.
Speaker A:It means a lot to me and it helps me bring forth great new ideas.
Speaker A:It means a lot to me and it also helps me keep the show fresh and full of new ideas that you guys are going to enjoy.
Speaker A:Until next time, guys.
Speaker A:Stay focused, stay fired up, and as always, let's go.
Speaker A:We'll see you guys next week on the show.
Speaker A:Cool.
